英语搞笑短剧剧本-CAL-FENGHAI.-(YICAI)-Company One1
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(页三打白骨精
Three Times’ Beating Monster 人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空 E：猪八戒
J：沙僧
B：白骨精（何平） B1：B变成的村姑 B2：B变成的太婆B3：B变化成的老头 T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?
S: Bajie,map! E: (摸出，递给S)
S: Look,boss (凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）
T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!
E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)
T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west E: But……
T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?
E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So. S: Fat Pig!
E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will……….
S: You will what(凶相)
E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤). S: Hm!
T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?
E: You see , boss is hungry,too!
T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!
J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away….. T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea? S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看） J: This is…..
S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it! T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power! S: Bye!(走)
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T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》 B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1) B1: (接近三人，望着)Can I join you?
J: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.
B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb! T: Bomb(打出) B1: Double King!
T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a boss-hand. Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)
S: (回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打) B1: （倒)Ah……
T: (气愤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher! S: She is a monster! T: Nonsense!(深呼吸) S: Oh,please don’t……
T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)
S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)
T: (呛住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!
B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆) B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?
T: Daughter...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡) S: （咬牙切齿）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2) E&J: Are you Ok, boss(扶T)
J: Look,(伸食指)how many?
T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)
B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it!!(哭喊) S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)
T: （想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住 )You have killed three lives!
S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster! T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!! S: (悲，离去)（音乐，营造 “假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》 J: boss, brother Monkey is....... T: Don't mention that guy any more!
B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走) T: （惊）You are......
B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退) B: (抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha...... S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.
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T: Wukong?
E: Oh,Brother Monkey! J: Our hero is back!
T: I,I can't understand......What happened?
S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you! T: How,how did you find out?
S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)
T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声)
S: What?
T: I'm sorry.
S: Em Louder,please
T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏） (谢幕)
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